Monday, August 15, 2011

An Ex is and Ex and a Ho is a Ho

     I would like to start off by saying sorry for the last days off, my mother was in town and I didn't want her to think I was a nut on my computer all the time. I was feeling a little uncreative the last couple days so hopefully I'll be back tomorrow. With that being said enjoy:

     Why an Ex is an Ex:
  1. While talking about fooling around, do not say "I'm gonna split that ass like a peach."- No actually you're not going to do that I am not your fat ex-wife who may have liked a blown out ass hole **newsflash some fat people have low self-esteem hence why they're down for that shit** I may have low standards but I will not let you disrespect my asshole. And my ass is in no way a pitted fruit.
  2. Do not  flex your muscles in the mirror and or glass window as you walk by. People can see you, and you look like an ass hole.
  3. Do not sell weed to my family
  4. Do not  lie about selling weed to my family
  5. Do not lie and brag to your boys about tapping my butt hole... it didn't happen. Get over it.
  6. Do not drop baked goods off in my car
  7. Do not  have a crooked penis
  8. Do not tell me all at once out of the blue that you want to get married, have kids and live happily ever after... I'm gonna leave now
  9. Do not dutch oven me. There is nothing less sexy then to be smothered by your foul fucking gas
  10. Do not  lay on your back the whole time during a sexual encounter, because we all know how you bitch about when women do it. It does work both ways.
Why a Ho is a Ho:
  1. You cannot steal my boyfriend. And after you do and it bombs, do not act like we are still friends
  2. After my boyfriend and I break up, do not go around saying how you've been having sex for months, it doesn't make you cool, it makes you a slut
  3. Do not send my boyfriend naked pictures via text or email, I will find them, post them on
  4. Do not post a picture of my boyfriend and you like you're together as your profile picture.
  5. Having 8000 abortions its not cute... Hitler is in hell waiting for you at table 2
  6. Don't brag about trying to be on a reality show that no one watches. Real Chance at Love is not a jumping off point.
  7. If you plan to leave someone don't fuck his friends first
  8. The way to a mans heart is not bending over and tossing you're hair back and forth waiting for him to come to you. The way to a mans heart is to be yourself, confident and walk up to him grab him by the balls and say lets take a walk
  9. Taking pictures of yourself in a mirror just shows that no one likes you enough to take them for you. And they're usually not flattering, go back to farmville
  10. Being a size 6 and squeezing into a size 0 is not sexy. You are just reminding a man why his parents circumcised him.

 Thanks for reading! Hopefully I'll be back on my game tomorrow! Love always ---R

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