Friday, August 19, 2011

Decoding Women Talk and Why we Hate you

     I am in cleveland for the next couple days to see the rock and roll hall of fame and run off on tour with my lover Tommy Lee! So here is a post to tie you over for a while!

     In a previous post I said why men can be ass holes and it turned into why men are stupid. This one I am going to decode what women mean when they say things. Sometimes I feel like I need a decoder ring for it myself, Chris always says I read too much into shit but noooo women aren't like men. When they say things they mean that and 10 other things. So here ya go!

  1. I still want to be friends---> I do not want to be friends and if I see you in town I will ignore you.
  2. It's not you it's me---> It is you but I don't want to be responsible for your suicide.
  3. That's OK I understand--->I do not understand, and we will do what I want to do.
  4. Sure I'll go make you a sandwich---> Why don't you get up and make me a sandwich since you just made me a protein shake I did not ask for
  5. That's cool, I'll meet your ex, I don't mind---> I'll do it, dress up, do my hair, look better then her then call her a hooker.
  6. Yeah he's a good guy---> I have had sex with him.
  7. Am I prettier than she is?---> I know I am, and you better too, or else your not getting fucked later.
  8. I'm tired---> Don't touch my tits or my ass.
  9. I'm a little tired---> You may have sex with me but I may not be to involved
  10. I'm not tired---> We will  have sex
  11. That was amazing---> I've had better
  12. I'm so fat---> Do not agree and if you do you'll be hearing #1
  13. I'm too stressed out about my work for a relationship---> I hate you and I want you to dump me, so it's easier on me.
  14. It's all or nothing---> Stop being an ass hole or you're gone. OR I'll say I want it all to scare you outta here.
  15. It's so good to see you---> Can I go now?
  16. I'm not talking to her anymore---> She fucked my boyfriend
  17. Oh my god you scared me!---> I farted
  18. What does your tattoo mean---> It's fucking ugly and I don't get it
  19. My friend thinks you're hot---> My friend is desperate to get laid.
  20. I don't sound like that do I?---> Ahh fuck I sound like that.
  21. We're gonna go have a girls night ---> All girls talking about people we want to fuck.
  22. I have never cheated on any of my boyfriends---> I have cheated on almost all of them.
     I really do think that women and men are equally smart. I also do think that women have waaaaay to high of expectations for men to meet so therefore, they are idiots. Movies and TV do not help this stereotype either, I don't see any female Rob Dyrdeck's at a fantasy factory (which is my dream job). Women see shows like that and think "ok see they're all like that, that must be what my boyfriend is doing at work while he ignores my calls and texts." I love going to restaurants and hearing women bitch and moan about their wives and girlfriends because where there is a woman bitching there is a man bitching. You may think he's taking a time out to reflect on the fight you had.... NO. He is out getting shithoused and having fun with his boys. Instead of harboring on why you're mad at him he tells your friends your a psycho and gets drunk. The end. This is why women hate men, they seem to have better problem solving skills.

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Catch ya later! ---R

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