Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Are You a Pedophile Because You've Abducted and Raped my Soul

     In my opinion pick up lines are one of lifes best oppertunities. People don't realize that when they say something unbelieveably foul to you, that you have the right to respond. I have heard many lines, but until now I never really had thought of what to say. With that being said I have done a little research and decided that these are the best ways to respond and/or avoid people superstalking you for the rest of the night.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
-I wouldn't know go ask the 5'9" blonde haired, blue eyed southern belle over there.

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
-My eyes are green and if that the color of your toilet water thats fucking gross

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
-Well I'm nt drunk enough to talk to you yet

Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!
-Do you want to be called Jim Bob Duggar?

The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.
-Only for about another 30 seconds because I need a refill

Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
-Alice was a 12 year old girl....

I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.
-When I met you I had a dream of being a stay at home mom of 10, overweigt by 50 pounds and sweaty... wanna make that dream come true?

Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.
-I want to cover you with pancake batter and deep fry you my lovecorndog!

Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
- Want me to clean that wound with battery acid?

Did you fart? Because you just blew me away
-Trust me after my taco bell lunch and 12 pack dinner, if I farted I would have scorched your hair off.

You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.
- I think you're in the wrong place because the only "straight" person at the Miss Universe contest in Tony Danza.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
-Does my breath smell like I'll have a hangover in the morning?

I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
-So you're saying you're a one minute man. Get the fuck outta here!

I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
- I am not attracted to 300 year old, fat, white haird men.

Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems
- Oh really because you+me= possibly good time / let me finish this drink= Me passed out drooling on your pillow.

You've been a bad girl. Go to my room.
-Don't act like my father because that will guarantee I will never talk to you again

Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
-No but I had 30 prunes today.... Hey by the way do you like anal?

Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
-You wanna come home with me!!! YAY I'll show you my collection of celebrity tampons!!!!

Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
- Do you have a cat!!!!!I have a taxidermy licence!

If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
- I think Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold used that in their wedding vows.

Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
- Do you seriously have a record because

Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
- I am tired. Wanna go back to your place so you can make me a fuckin sandwich

Your father must have been a burglar... because I swear he stole the stars and put them in your eyes
-Why yes he was, and the only thing he put in my eyes was tears and hatred

You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
-You're not black?! And are you fucking calling me VANILLA!

If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
-And you smell like bacon

Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?
-I don't know but judging by the fact that I'm the third girl you talked to I would say she told you to fuck off

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.
-Are you an adult retard? or a pedophile?

Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
-I like to use bounce... so bounce the snugglefuck away from me

If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
-That's what my husband said to me last night after I ate Taco Bell

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven.
-Nope but after the gang rape last night my knees are pretty sore...It's ok though I made 50 bucks!!!!

I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!
-There are about 30 volunteer firemen around here right now and Brian you're one of them you fucking idiot!

This is actually one that may have worked on me!
Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.

You people are welcome! I would love new blog ideas! So either comment here or sent to my facebook or twitter @bobzc! Thanks guys love ya ----R

1 comment:

  1. I like the fireman and fabric softener ones. Good shit, Bobz!