Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Men and the 7 Deadly Sins

     After talking to some of my friends this week and kind of discussing what our significant others have "issues" with I have come up with that, their problems really parallel the 7 deadly sins. Of course all of you know I am not a religious person; however I do think that there are some things that the Churches got right. I take that back, I don't know of it was something that they really hit the nail on the head with or, if it was just easier for them to explain away if they put in religious texts and said you would go to hell for doing such things.

The 7 deadly sins are:
1.    Lust
2.    Gluttony
3.    Greed
4.    Sloth
5.    Wrath
6.    Envy
7.    Pride

     I think that there are so many men out there who don’t even know that they are doing these things. Now guys, don’t get all in a wad about this, I am sure I will also pick on women with this in the future. Without further ado here are how I see men and the 7. 

1.   Lust
Definition: Lust or lechery (carnal "luxuria") is usually thought of as excessive thoughts or desires of a sexual nature.
My Definition: Do not fuck around on your woman, period. I don’t give a shit what the excuse is. Do not do it. There is no reason to lust after someone else if you are married or in a relationship. Yes, I may lust after Channing Tatum or Tommy Lee on occasion, but in reality they don’t even know who the hell I am. Also, a woman who knowingly involves themselves with a man who is in a committed relationship is not really a woman, and he is not really a man.

2.   Gluttony
Definition:  meaning to gulp down or swallow, gluttony (Latin, gula) is the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste.
My Definition: Do not stuff yourself to the point that you need to lay down for a couple hours. Just pace yourself for Christ sake. Taco Bell will be there tomorrow. You do not need to eat like it is the last fucking bean burrito on earth. I think what bothers me most about this is that Chris eats like that every time he eats anything. If we have burgers I take about 3 bites and he’s already done. Last night I was in the bathroom and saw that someone did not replace the toilet paper, so I asked Chris to come in and hand me a roll. As he walked into the bathroom he had one of those Little Debbie oatmeal cookie pies hanging out of his mouth. So in a minute I came out of the bathroom only to find him in the kitchen still eating the at most 2” round cookie. So I asked him if that was a second one and he adamantly denied that it was. So I told him that I figured as soon as he left me on the thrown, he probably deep throated what was left of that one while walking down the hallway and then helped himself to another one. After saying that, his face turned quite pale and he started laughing like I caught him with his hand in the jar. Of course I was right and it was his second snack, and he just couldn’t believe that I caught him without being in the room.

3.   Greed
Definition:  Greed (as seen by the church) is applied to a very excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of wealth, status, and power
My Definition: I’m not going to say much about this but all I can really think of is those cutthroat business type people. No one I have dated really had any money and neither have I so, this one I happily bow out of.

4.   Sloth
Definition: The modern view goes further, regarding laziness and indifference as the sin at the heart of the matter. Since this contrast with a more willful failure to, for example, love God and his works, sloth is often seen as being considerably less serious than the other sins, more a sin of omission than of commission.
My Definition: Fucking lazy people. I hate lazy people more than anything. I understand being lazy occasionally, like lazy days on the couch. What I don’t get are people who are just naturally potatoes. I have also found that the more you ask a lazy person to do something the meaner they become. If Chris is feeling lazy and I ask him to do something, you would think that I was asking him to go run 30 miles. First you get tuned out, then it’s, “UGH yeah I will do it in a minute”, followed by, “yeah I heard you the first 30 God damned times”, then stomping off like a child, and finally wanting me to be so thankful. For instance he would like to hear, “Baby thank you so much, next time I will just get it myself I know you had a hard day.” When in reality I have no problem saying how I really feel in the most passive aggressive way, “ohhhhh my God, thank you so much for putting down the PS3 remote and getting your fucking ass off the couch for two fucking minutes to get something for me since I have my hands full making your dinner. And don’t worry babe, when we fool around later I’ll get on top the whole time.” Please.

5.   Wrath
Definition: Wrath (Latin, ira), also known as "rage", may be described as inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger
My Definition: As we speak Chris is screaming and yelling at the TV because he cannot get his PS3 player to do what he wants. Like who cares. To me it is a little funny because he kind of looks like a 5 year old who can’t pass a level in Tiny Toon Adventures (shout out Allison Rockwell). He also last night couldn’t get his cell phone to work so he punched it. Well about an hour after that I saw that he had a cut on his hand and I asked him what it was from. Without getting a response, I asked, “Did the phone fight back?”  He did not think this was funny, but I did get a good laugh at it. I can tell the moment he is about to lose it because that vein on his temple starts to pulse and looks like it’s about to burst.

6.    Envy
: First, greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas envy may apply more generally.
Second, those who commit the sin of envy not only resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, but also wish the other person to be deprived of it.
My Definition: I always see this as like a dick sizing contest. I mean, who has the nicer truck? Does it have nice flashy lights on it? Does it have huge blaring sirens on it? I mean really at the end of the day who really cares? There is no bigger turn off then a guy that thinks I give a shit what kind of car he drives.  

7.   Pride
Definition: In almost every list, pride (Latin, superbia), or hubris, is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self (especially holding self out of proper position toward God).
My Definition: How about have some fucking pride for yourself. Maybe brushing your teeth once a day is a good idea! Pants are a good thing to wear on a daily basis. Deodorant is a beautiful and wonderful thing that was invented, and so were showers and razors. Clean your damn self-up. Looking like a homeless person is gross. Greasy hair is gross. It is not my job to ask you on a daily basis if you have showered or done any of the above. It was your mother’s job when you were 5. I love the excuse that they were busy. No you were not. You were playing video games and lost track of time somehow. Do you need me to make you a supernanny hygiene chart? Chris said to me last night, “You’ll be so proud of me; I cleaned my ears out today.” I just sat there stunned, like wow, congrats, I do that twice a day (anal I know) But really how excited can I really be that he performed an act of cleanliness upon himself that should be done every day? So, I just smiled and said good for you baby.

     I’m sure many of you understand all of this, yet we put up with it on a daily basis… I don’t get it myself.

Love all of you ---R