Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Deep Thought Tuesday

     Sometimes I think that humans are the most helpless people around. I also believe that the Orients or aka Asians really prove the above fact on a daily basis with they're 2 year old speaking English and writing calligraphy and the fact that I don't know they're taking over the world. Below are some scenarios in which I show my helplessness and those of my loved ones as well:

  1. This morning after Cami went to take a nap I log onto my facebook and twitter (of course). On twitter I see a tab that says follower requests-20. So obviously I am elated that I have 20 brand new friends to spread my bullshit upon. But of course I had to check something else and accept friends later. I then go to get back to my new friends and I cannot find the page...fuck. So I text my cousin Cherrie thinking that she would immediately know what the fuck is wrong with me or twitter... we both then decide that google is the best tool to solve our problem. Google makes all us white chicks think that we have the answers to all life's questions.
  2. This happened a couple years ago, but this sticks out like a big pink dildo in my mind. Allison, my best friend/and basically sister was on her marry way to pick someone up from a NYC airport. So I printed her out map quest directions (yes this was probably the catalyst for her getting a GPS). There she goes down the Merit Pkwy to NYC. About an hour into her trip I get a call at work from a hysterical Allison who is lost somewhere in Queens... Great. She asks me where she was after giving me a full description of a gas station. In my mind I'm thinking I don't know where the fuck you are, but of course I cannot say that because shes already crying and I will just make it worse. So I convinced her to ask for directions the old fashioned way and ask a Guido. Surprisingly enough she found LGA Airport 3 hrs later.
  3. At one point 6 years ago or so I lived at my grandparents house while they were in Florida for the winter because I was slowly trying to put space between and hopefully break up with my then boyfriend... it worked. Anyway there was this one time when apparently I was a little bound up and finally was able to go to the bathroom. Well I got done flushed and plugged the fucking toilet...of course. And apparently my grandparents never need a fucking plunger because there was not one to be found on the upper level of their home. Great. So what do I do to fix the problem as the water is rising? Call my mama! As she is laughing her ass off... so she tells me that my grandparents keep their plunger in the garage.... really?! Who keeps a fucking plunger in the garage... So needless to say I had a mess to clean up because my grandparents have loose stool...
  4. This one is my favorite. Anyone who knows me knows I love my husband very very much. He is my best friend (aside from Allison) and I can tell anything to him...However he is one of the most helpless people there is on this planet. He'll open the fridge or closet and before the door is all the way open he'll ask me where something is... Like open your god damn eyes and look because I am in the fucking living room, how the fuck do I know where the Frito's are. Oh right they're with all the other chips in the cabinet.... Anyway about 6 months ago he was baking a Digorno pizza in the oven. And of course I should have just done it from the beginning because apparently he needed step-by-step directions (again I love him very much). When the pizza was done cooking he asked me how I usually remove the pizza from the oven rack... So I say drag it off the rack with a fork onto a plate... so with out skipping a beat he says "big fork or small fork?" As he looked at me like I was holding the secret to life, I just looked up and said nothing.... there were no words to express what I was thinking and I still have a hard time putting my finger on it.
With that I'll leave you with a picture of this sultry stunner!
     Thanks for reading, feel free to leave comment and ideas for more blog posts!

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