Friday, November 11, 2011

Eye Twitch

     Recently I have been overwhelmed with things that piss me off. I know that everyone is an individual and has their own right to act a certain way. FALSE. I personally feel that if you can not act like a civilized human, stay in your God damned home. You don't need to get behind the wheel and hold everyone else up. Stop acting like an ass hole, go home and take a pill. Being a dick to someone at the store isn't going to get you're point across. Maybe smile and be nice and possibly charming and you'll get what you want or at least closer to it.
     I went to the post office the other day and there was a man there talking to the post lady. So he starts asking her all these questions about the dumbest shit ever. "Hey hunny do you sell reams of paper here?" Um no sir its a post office not fucking staples. Then he says "What about cheerios?" Really dick, if you don't have something of value to say, don't say shit. The post lady nor me don't give a shit about you and we want you to hurry the fuck up so I can send a package to Marines in Afghanistan who really matter... move away from me.
     This snow storm was also a means to an end to my charming attitude. I assumed my local liquor store was closed because of the power outages. So, on my way back from the mall I went all the way through Bethel and on my way back was rerouted down a back road because the Town of Redding (aka Knapp Tree (no qualms with them)) was "working on the lines." Fine I have no problem with that except that it was down Umpawaug Road, which even on the best day is a beaten path. So as I'm balls deep down there, on the narrowest part of the road, I'm looking for one of Redding's finest to I don't know, direct traffic. Cricket Cricket. There is no cop anywhere in sight. And there are about 600 fucking cars on this road. Fantastic. So needless to say it took 45 minutes to go down Umpawaug Road an inch away from other peoples cars and Georgetown Package was open. Can we say instant eye twitch.
     I'm starting to get pissed off at other peoples relationships. I don't give a shit, how much you love each other. Stop telling me. Share it with someone else. I don't want to see you post music videos of lovey dovey songs on facebook, neither does your boyfriend or husband. I'll admit I will email one to Chris or send a private message to him with the song or whatever in it. But here's the secret to why I don't fall into the category. Because it's a God dam private message. Because these are our private feelings. I don't need or want my friends or Chris's friends being like "Jesus can she get off his dick for like 2 seconds?!"
     I also don't understand why that just because I'm married to someone I have to adopt all of their friends as my best friends? In my case it works because I love 95% of Chris's friends. But there are people I know who are up their spouses friends assholes. Like, chick leave these guys alone. They don't even like to talk to their mothers why do you think they want to shoot the shit with you? I also feel too like you can over do it with them, for instance, I am a proud American. I always if I see an old man with a service hat on say thank you for what they have done. It's a respect thing. What I don't do is go ape shit on days like Veterans Day, Memorial Day and such. For one, it makes you look like an attention hound. For two, no one gives a shit what you have to say. Okay? I find it very convenient how much you love the Marine boys and feel the need to share. I love them too, my mother loves them, my step-father loves them, join the fucking club. My Aunt Charlotte invited Mike B to visit them in FL at their retirement community, his response "I would love to go and sleep on ya fuckin' hammock." And she still loves them! So don't think you need to be the "only one" who is supportive, you look desperate. Also don't call them your Marines... I HATE that, "My Marines." Please the one your sleeping with is hardly yours. One trip to the Driftwood and he'll have Miss. Candypuss moved in, pregnant and and you'll be heading back to Ishotthatchipmunkfordinner, VA where you belong.
     LMFAO, you are not sexy and everyone knows it. You look like a bunch of homeless people dancing around for money. Your songs sound the same and they are horrible. Why would MTV have the Real World Miami 2 work for you? Really and champagne disgusting. If your fluids slightly resembled the taste of champagne, sure then that would be an appropriate saying. But it doesn't And I'm pretty sure a "champagne shower" in a club is a felony. Just a heads up. I would actually like to go ahead and say that I have XM radio in my car and I wish that when LMFAO came on my radio would reverse song seek and turn on another channel. I hate them. 

I love you all and thank you for letting me vent -R

No comments:

Post a Comment