Brian Austin Green- I have loved your washed up beautiful face since I was 5 and you were 20. Then you married someone my age. Strike one. Then you hit my funny button when you started acting on Smallville, which I hate! Where have all the David Greens gone?! Strike 2. You're final fuck up with me is that you are now on a TBS show about a wedding band... You're out! Your wife, who is my age, is the hottest woman in the world. At least have some dignity and be a stay at home dad. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the man who married Donna Martin aka Tori Spelling, is now literally married to MeganFox. I mean I totally understand dating someone who is slightly beneath you, story of much of my life, but TBS?!?! Really!
What the hell is the matter with her? I get it because I grew up watching him on TV too and I loved him, however I don't know what they would ever talk about. Here is what I imagine goes on in that house.
Take 1M-"Hey B how was your day on set? Cover any bad David Bowie songs?"
B-"It was great, me and the crew did a sweet rendition of YMCA. I think we actually might make this a thing like in our off time. Maybe we can use the garage."
M- "That's great sweetie. Rachel Zoe and I went to lunch and discussed what I was going to wear to the Globes. It was great. Are you going to be able to make it to this red carpet event?"
B- "Beautiful, You know I hate those things, they're so 1992."
B- "Hey hunncan I use your credit card, mine seems to be acting up?"
M- "Of course my sugar loaf, but I did tell you before you can just be on my account if you want. Waiting for your syndication checks from Soap Net can really suck."
B- "Why do you always have to be so condescending about them?! They come in from WB, I mean CW on the first and Soap Net on the 15th. I have them staggered for a reason! God I hate asking you for this shit!"
M- "Brian, why are you so afraid to take off your shirt in front of me/"
B- "We've gone over this. I have a little bit of a complex. You know, Vanessa, my stunning ex wife, used to be on General Hospital with those guys. That Steve Burton was so firm and I was David Green, the kid from 90210 with the Vanilla Ice Jew do. I can't stop thinking that I still look like that."
M- "Awwww Daddy, you do still look like that. And that's why I love you so much. You know I had posters of you in my bedroom when I was little."
B- "You always know how to make me feel like a real man. So who do you want to be tonight Donna with the red wig or Valerie with the brown wig?"
M- "ohhhh tough choice Mr. Silverman but I think tonight, let me go Kelly Taylor. It's kind of hot she was your step-sister."
I do love you David, I mean Brian and I always will,