Monday, December 3, 2012

W Seeking M

     As I'm sure we all know by now, my marriage is over. I am going to leave it at that and not dwell because I will just start drinking and never get through this post. I do love Chris and we are still friends, no bad blood.

     With that being said I would like to let you all know what I am looking for in a relationship. I am not saying that these are the reasons my marriage failed. The two people who didn't know each other entered into a relationship just ended up being too different. Some people have things that they look for and things that they cannot tolerate. This is going to read like a cheap personal advertisement Enjoy.
  1. My daughter: You have to accept that fact that I have a daughter that has a father and she will never have another one.I don't need you to play baby daddy. However only seeing me when she is with her dad is out of the question. This shouldn't have to be to be written.
  2. My dog: If you do not like my dog, I do not like you. That goes for everyone on the face of the earth. I don't care if you were mauled my a chuiwawa when you were a child, if you don't like Daisy, get the fuck out. I talk to her like she is a newborn Jesus, for instance "baby pumpkinface" is a phrase I use often. She doesn't always smell her best, she is a hound dog, I love how she smells. Do not ever tell me that my dog smells. We snuggle and I like her to sleep in my bed on occasion, if this means that you sleep on the couch so be it. 
  3. My Ex-husband: I love my ex-husband. He is my friend and always will be, get over it. Everyone will always have a complex about some ex in their lives. Don't mess with it. Right now he is still up on a pedestal with me. Don't fuck with that either.
  4. My mother: Say anything bad about my mother and I will murder you...slowly. 
  5. Daddy issues: I have daddy issues and I do not care. They haven't gone away at this point in my life and they never will. Try to make me feel bad about it or 'build my bridges back' I'll murder you and send the parts to your mother.
  6. Tattoos: I would prefer if you have them. Well more then likely, I wouldn't date you if you didn't. Tell me not to get another one and that I have enough, and I will get 10 more and flaunt them, it has been done before.
  7. Games: I don't play games. If you want to leave, then leave. If you're jealous tell me. Talk to me, not to other people and especially not to another girl about me. I'm already fucked up enough from that, I do not have time for it again. If you try to manipulate me in anyway, you are messing with the wrong person. I don't like to do it but I can say things to make you cry in the fetal position and cut you down like an oak tree.
  8. Murder: Always be aware that I can and am capable of murder, and I do know how to melt a body like an ice cube. It's like a store it in the back of your mind thang.
  9. Showers: I like to shower alone. I don't need to see how you wash yourself and you don't need to see me shave my legs. You are more then welcome to come into the bathroom when I am in there. Not in the shower.
  10. Family: I love my family. They are crazy and a completely mixed bag of people. My bar customers that are mostly 65+ year old men are my family. The closest man in my life is my stepfather, who I love to death, he will also kill you. I have more guy friends then girl friends and all of my friends are my family. There were people in my life that are not in it now and they are still my family, no matter how I knew them. There are also members of my family that are no longer my family anymore. There is no fixing that, I do not want to fix it. I respect you also have a family, however they do not need to be mine.
  11. Smoke: I smoke on occasion, deal with it. Try to get my to quit and pack your shit.
  12. Drink: I drink like 400lb Russian man. Try to get me to quit and pack your shit. I want a partner not a counselor.
  13. Mirror mirror: I need someone to tell me I look beautiful. Being trampled like a mouse by an elephant by the many men in my life has fucked with me. That is the only explanation you will ever get.
  14. Arrest: I do not care about your criminal past, as long as that past is over. I don't do bail anymore, that's what mommies are for.
  15. Control: I have control issues. I try everything in my power to control everything.
  16. Pills: I have general anxiety. I like to be medicated for it. I blame it on the daddy genes.
  17. Country music: Country music makes me want to kill myself. I like angry chick music, bad nigga rap and the Stone Temple Pilots. I like to get lost in music and not have it spelled out for me.
  18. Home: I love my home town. It is the place where I feel the best and most alive. All of my family is there. There is nowhere else I could close my eyes and drive perfectly, it is in my blood. North Carolina is my other favorite place. I could care less if I vacation anywhere else. I would love to go to Ireland one day though.
  19. Mommy's: I am not cho mama. I don't ever want to be. I am not a mommy person. Mommy's tend to piss on their territory and I don't play those games anymore. If that's how it is we don't need to be friends. I have enough friends, I do not feel any obligation to be friends with your mommy. I know you love her, but I don't have to, and don't expect me to.
  20. Everything else: I love the Steelers, I have never been to Pittsburgh, it's a daddy thing. I hate family holidays. I hate pumpkin flavored things. My favorite color is black. Most of my clothes are black. I love bad TV shows and romantic comedies. I will always want a man who looks like Jeffery Dean Morgan or Carey Heart. I want a love story like a Nicolas Sparks book as long as no one dies at the end. I like too many recreational drugs that I will never do anymore. I will never love anything or anyone like my Pam. When I am hungry I will always want Ramen noodles. I work out because I don't think I am pretty. I hate most men because I don't think I am worth it. I have more respect for the Marine Corps and the men in it then anything else in the world, they are also some of the best friends I have had. Don't buy me flowers to impress me, I'll just let them die. If you tell me I am not allowed to do something, I am going to do it even if it will kill me. One of the best friends I have ever had in my life was a 60 year old man who died of cancer. Don't forget my birthday. Tom Petty was the first celebrity that I ever loved. I am a sucker for a bacon egg and cheese sandwich and I mean a real one. I am deathly afraid of spiders and moths. The only thing I want to do with my life is to open and run a successful bar. I have a tendency to drink too much and fall down. If I am hungover I will vomit. I don't believe in soul mates. Every time I have invested everything I have, it all falls apart. I should not be allowed to drink Wild Turkey or Jegar ever again, not because I get sick, because I turn into a hot mess of a human and start to think about old shit, and old shit isn't good. I like my alone time, but I don't like to be lonely. I am tired of being lonely. I burp, I fart, I drink beer and I will always want a better and faster car then you, I am still a woman I expect to be treated like one.
On a lighter and brighter note, Craig's List personals entertain me to no end. Here are some of my faves from this week. These are from the Flint area in Michigan.

"HI, I would like to meet a mature lady, a down earth, open minded semi fit, likes to do recreational stuff, bike ride, walks, jog maybe the crim togethjer, maybe not. Just want some interaction with a person who has similar likes,,( maybe close) and u have to be a big talker cause I am a gentleman , until I get to know you lol oh gotto like sex too." ------YOU GOTTO!!

"white male seeks latin hispanic putrorican female for relationship. Hi white male 40 6ft3 good sense of humor enjoy sports concerts movies dineing out seeks Latin Hispanic puertorican for relationship please seriois responses only" ----PLEASE BRING DIKTONARY

"I'm going to tell ladies. I'm honest. When I drop the next few sentences on you you'll hate me or appreciate me. I never cheat ladies! Why you may ask? I only date girls that I like physically. What is that you say? Big ole boobies! There I said it! Yes ladies a big rack keeps me attentive and faithful. Great cleavage gets me to clean the garage, put the seat down, take out the garbage and fix the leaky sink. It does not get me to put silverware away or fold clothes though" ---AT LEAST HE IS HONEST but I wish more then anything he called them bitties.

And now they allowed to post pictures! I mean nothing says romance like a weird looking dick in your face!

     At the end of the day I am only a hot fucking mess and always will be-- <3 R

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