Friday, December 23, 2011

Shit My Husband Says

     Chris does tend to say some funny things but none more perfectly spoken until he has a drink. I do what I like to call field work, I observe him in his natural habitat and make note of all of it on my blackberry to be used against him later. Here are some of my favorites that I have that the smarts to write down.

  • "I just mouth fucked your mouth." - This was in response the virgin diaries on TLC
  • "I'm would take that burger to the smush room." - Watching Man V Food
  • "Oh Santa why don't you just fuck me in that sleigh." - Addressing this
  • "Birds can't fly!!!! Faggot!--- I mean swim, birds can't swim." - When Chris O'Donnell falls in the water at the end of Batman forever
  • "I bet Chris O'Donnell has a little fuckin' wanker" - I made the mistake of telling him in 1994 I would have spread 'em for Mr. O'Donnell
  • "All I saw out of that commercial was the white man overcome he nigre (that would be hillbilly for nigger) - No you didn't, a white man approached a group of black men and then ran away.. Calm it down Hitler.
  • "I don't know what you're freaking out about?!?! They're my balls!!! - This gem came out after I observed him eating a piece of chocolate in left hand and his right hand was clearly in his pants. After I said something he finished candy, took hand off balls, then switched hands....

     It wouldn't be fair if I did not include the two most recent idiotic things to come out of my mouth either so here you go.

  • "Well I would be the American. There was always one American and two foreign." - Who I wanted to be in Global Guts!
  • "I rather make a doodie on your chest then do that." - I actually don't remember what I was talking about, but this is what usually comes to mind when I do not want to do something...regardless of who I am talking to.

I love you all. I hope you have a happy Christmas weekend and I wish I was home celebrating with you guys!
<3 Always --- R

1 comment:

  1. Uhhhh fucking dying over here!!! Love everything about you (and chris)